Thanks for joining us on our very first episode of Family Looking Up. We want to help lift and encourage by discussing all things family. Today we talked about parenting, specifically raising more resilient kids with more teaching and less punishing.
We talked to Niki Olsen, a Clinical Mental Health Counselor. She has spent over 16 years working with youth and families specializing in a modality called Mind Body Bridging which can help a variety of issues. She is married with two little girls in elementary. She currently lives in Utah but is originally from Oregon. Niki loves to spend her free time with her family, exercising and sleeping.
We started our interview by discussing four factors that have been identified as a common set of factors that predispose children to positive outcomes in the face of significant adversity:
- Facilitating supportive adult-child relationships -Discussion on teaching vs. punishing.
- Building a sense of self-efficacy and perceived control- Being concrete in your demands, positive and informative. Effective consequences and effective praise
- Providing opportunities to strengthen adaptive skills and self-regulatory capacities- We discussed raising adults. Giving them skills and opportunities to learn to do things independently now will help them to be more successful as adults
- Mobilizing sources of faith, hope, and cultural traditions- Giving kids a sense of belonging and identity through culture, traditions, and faith.
Research has shown that children who have these things in their lives tend to be more resilient. The skills she taught also can help us stop being mad and frustrated at our kids and give them (and us) space to feel all the feelings and still teach our kids and get the results we want.
We finished by talking about not comparing ourselves to other moms. Niki pointed out that every family has their own issues. Don’t compare your worst to their best!
Mom Squad Challenge: Practice reflective listening with your kids. Instead of responding or reacting, just listen and repeat back to them what they are telling you. By doing this, Niki teaches that the child is more likely to talk to you and tell you more than if you react.
Books Niki loves:
The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle
Common Sense Parenting by Ray Burke Ph.D, Ron Heron, and Bridget A. Barnes M.S
How to talk to your kids about Sex by Richard and Linda Eyre
Where did I come From (I really don’t like it, but Camille likes it) by Peter Mayle and Arthur Robins